Ultra Romance on Bedrock Sandals May 2, 2017

“I was 28 years old. The previous 15 years of my life had been spent as a cyclist. Not the kinda cyclist you see in a bike lane at rush hour, or out dinging bells on rail trails, ha, I turned my nose up at those types. “Freds”, I’d say to myself as I looked down at my heart rate monitor while muscling my spendy spindly Italian race rocket over the next imaginary finish line.

My attire was a zebra print lycra leotard, my legs had been shorn before I’d even hit puberty. I was quite comfortable with being uncomfortable while pursuing my passion for bicycles and my petty amateur victories aboard them. So what happened?”

Read more from Benedict at Bedrock Sandals!

  • gutenbergler

    No link

    • Trevor H
      • Bil Thorne

        Still too hard. Someone type it for me.

        • Smithhammer

          The remote is under the sofa cushion, next to your extensive collection of Cheeto fossils.

          • Cheetos smell like dirty children

          • Daniel M

            Or the other way around. When I was a high school teacher I had a small Calculus class, all juniors and seniors, that met immediately after another teacher’s crowded freshman Algebra course in the same room. On one particularly hot day, as we were getting settled, I noticed a distinct funk and said “It smells like freshmen in here!” One of my students said “Yeah. Like … stale Cheetos.”

            Either way, there’s something to this. Occam’s Razor would force us to consider the simplest explanation: that freshmen / dirty children consume a lot of Cheetos and end up smelling like them, but in this situation I think the correlation is not so simple…

          • Smithhammer

            Good story. Did they eventually all graduate to “big Calculus?”

            While Occam’s Razor may be at play, Shrodinger’s Cat would suggest that dirty children are neither living nor dead when enveloped by such a Cheeto-funkified shroud of iniquity. This superposition zombie state in fact explains the bulk of pre-pubescence, malevolent odor notwithstanding. But ultimately, it is Hanlon’s Razor, and not Occam’s, which we may wrestling with, or trying to avoid, as the case may be…. ;-)

          • Daniel M

            Some of them did indeed go on go BC.

          • Brian Richard Walbergh

            Also dog toes, seriously.

    • sorry. phone edits after 28hours of travel make for imperfection. ;-)

  • dickey

    He was racing since 13? Damn.

  • henrilefebvre

    I caught my toe in front spokes, went right into the ground, bent the wheel like crazy. No sandals on bikes for me.

    • Smithhammer

      Ok, but to be fair, you’re not supposed to do that. ;-)

    • So… if you were wearing shoes?… I’ve toured and ridden MTBs in sandals and found it to be very pleasant.

      • henrilefebvre

        fair points all around to be sure. For me, I’d say that getting my big toe slammed into the fork was could have been prevented by covering up those exposed and dangly digits, but who knows. I should also say that the fact I was borrowing a friend’s bike has most likely made me more paranoid. In the scope of things it a small crash (though I guess it could have gotten broken or ripped off or whatever), but strange enough that I remember it

        No critique of you sandal-wearers, just a weird accident.

        • Or… Your bike was designed with horrid toe clearance in mind. I get it. I wore sandals and tried to nose manual a rock, only to end up in poison oak. Shit happens. Then I wore shoes and my toes have horrible fungus.

          • henrilefebvre

            Oh, I’m willing to take full blame. Seems like your sandal-crash has significant more panache than mine. Maybe I need to steel myself for some open-toe escapades now that weather is good.

          • Chris W

            I feel like your toe fungus is now fodder for the Pubes.

  • Chris Valente

    No lie, I thought that picture was Cipo.

    • tony365

      Yep me too!

    • Tim

      Me three

  • Raymond Walker

    faaaaack mate, I gotta get on this payroll via Chacos! I’ve been wanting to collab a Roc-Chac for years now, as it’s the best thing to rock and roll, & bike in!

  • singlespeedscott

    $110 USD for a pair of fucking sandals, WTF?!

    He might of stopped drinking the racer Koolaid but he sure is drinking something else.

    • Chris Valente

      Eh, made in California with Vibram soles and will probably last you ten years. Choco’s are similar -made in the US and cost about the same. I’ve had a pair for probably for close to 12 years that look like they will last another 10. Making shit here is expensive but worth it if done well.

  • Harry

    What a fun read!

  • breed007

    He is wearing that kit at the Dirty Kanza, right?

  • Phil Nigash

    I’ll be damned if that doesn’t look like Jan Ullrich back there. Benedict writes the funniest shit, and after reading Petersen’s book I’m seriously thinking about becoming a Fred full-time. Seems like they have all the fun.

  • Bryce Rinkenberger

    I was debating ordering these for a while…. all I really needed was a humorous article from the man himself to pull the trigger.