Benedict’s Romantical Clockwork Bikes Dirt Droop 29’r

Yes, that says “dirt droop”, rather than “dirt drop.” You see, there are magical and medicinal qualities to the fabled “LD” stem – pardon the acronym, we don’t need to spell it out for you.

Benedict, aka Poppi, aka @UltraRomance is a wild one. One that cannot be tamed by modern ideologies, or technologies for that matter. His Clockwork Bikes frame is a time capsule of the old days of yore when men would gather or hunt for their food in the woods. Even when something appears to be modern, it’s executed in a way that harkens back to the early days of klunking. Disc brakes? He slices fresh mushrooms on them and truthfully, he only uses them to stop for a tanning session. The throwback version of the narrow wide chaingrings is just a “narrow narrow” ring. An outer “bash guard” ring pressed up against an inner ring with a spare “rabbit” personal massager holding it in place. Even his “marsh mud” tubeless setup is pulled from nature. Literally…

Benedict's Romantical Clockwork Bikes Dirt Droop 29'r

That XTraRomance, or XTR as it’s been shortened to in today’s rat-race of a world, keeps his chain nice and tight – Poppi likes it tight – while the garlic-infused olive oil lubricant makes for smooth pedal strokes. Portage is important to Poppi and is a crücial addition to anyone’s ride. Poppi only uses Carridice and Sackville bags and a staple Wald basket attached to a Surly rack.

What about that #COOL paintjob? Or lack thereof? You see, his pain patina keeps his Clockwork Bikes frame from rusting. Just don’t hold a blacklight up against it. Ok, ok, hold up, we’ve gotten ahead of ourselves here. None of this really matters, because it doesn’t always have to be about the bike, does it? Let’s get romanticized… So who really is this Ultra Romance?

Poppi is a personal life coach in his part time. He teaches the art of achieving every cyclists’ life-goal status: the King of the Mountain, or KOM. Meaning to reach the climax of a ride. Through his extensive field research, Poppi can make even the flabbiest, unsvelte cyclists into a KOMing machine. All it takes is some Rosé, a Manowar cassette and a little bit of Poppi’s special herbal inhalant.

I didn’t believe him at first, but a week’s long workshop and suddenly I was KOMing like never before. Everyone began to notice. I was a changed man. Even my fiancé enjoyed my KOMing. As you can imagine, achieving this status is worth a considerable amount of money, yet Poppi operates under a non-profit sensation, the Hot Bod Rando Boyz dot org.

Let Poppi help you KOM

In todays modern world, the cycling industry wants to sell you new technologies all the time, yet they miss the main essence of what we like to call, romanticizing the wheelz. The man behind the dirt droops is and always has been, Ultra Romance. If you see this wildling out, cooking corners and making pizza, say hello and if you’re polite, he’ll teach you how to KOM harder than you’ve ever KOM’d before.

Keep it #COOL



Follow Poppi on Instagram.


44 responses to “Benedict’s Romantical Clockwork Bikes Dirt Droop 29’r”

  1. mrbiggs says:

    At first, I thought that Therma-rest was an accordion, which would have made this bike the coolest.

  2. mr. apodaca APODACA says:

    One cool hombre

  3. PwetStar says:

    Can I have his Trek? ;D

  4. Chris Valente says:

    To state the obvious.. that’s some badass shit.

  5. Mark Reimer says:

    This is the best bike to ever be featured on The Radavist, and image #42 is the best image I’ve seen, anywhere. Fuck yea Poppi!!

  6. Soup says:

    That stem. Incredible! What is it? Who made it? Or did he just bend a pipe with his bare hands…

  7. Robert says:

    Question – does anyone know what rear rack that is so we others can have a mock up like that? :)

  8. adanpinto says:

    First dudeist on two wheels.

  9. PNT says:

    one of the best cyclist these days

  10. Sretsok says:

    Totally ran into this dude on the greenbelt last weekend. He KOM’d through the first creek crossing and everyone was gawking in disbelief like they’d just seen Jesus or something. His buddy broke a chain and I lent them some tools. Super nice and helped me find my way around some rad trail.

  11. Sebastian says:

    YES! I was skimming this dude’s Instagram the other day hoping to find a good photo of this thing.

  12. Noel Smith says:

    Holy-fuckin’-shit, quite possibly the single greatest bicycle I’ve ever seen. Had a good laugh at the over-the-top photo shoot. Great post, made my day.

  13. fyxo says:

    If only you could bottle the ‘Essence of Poppi’ and spray it on the world.

  14. Brian Sims says:

    I think “a little bit of Poppi’s special herbal inhalant” explains the bromance I sensed reading this post. :-)

    Sweet bike!

  15. tony365 says:

    Thats some funny shit, killer super idiosyncratic bicycle

  16. Mom's Spaghetti says:


  17. Jared says:

    The Golden Jesus!

  18. Alex Steadman says:

    Looks like he rides left foot forward based on the teeth missing from that bash guard ring. Keep rotating it until it’s smooth.

  19. Neil Fenton says:

    Is #26 a home made sprung seat post?

  20. jim bird says:

    Erm ….. That’s a Carradice bag NOT a Sackville !

  21. Dongeon Kim says:

    He’s the best I’ve ever seen.

  22. Harry says:

    I bet this thing makes all kind of glorious cacophony.

  23. Mike says:

    Satire aside, this is my favorite galley on the site. An artists bike and a cyclists bike at the same time. He’s someone who has gleaned aesthetics and utility from the usual sources and turns it into something that, despite the homages, is a thing in itself. Even his linguistic style on instagram and the blog conjure a strong sense of artistic identity and individuation. A true cycling auteur.

  24. writertype says:

    Legend has it Cunningham invented the limp dick for Phelan, or had it manifested before then?

    • tony365 says:

      I think your right But it was for his first mtb with drop bars if I remember right. I read a RIVBIKE article and interview that talks about the development It was simply a dirt drop stem I believe. Cunningham has a new web sight up with killer pics and profiles of his ingenious bikes and inventions

  25. kimbo305 says:

    I don’t see the rabbit massager mentioned in the text by the chainrings.

  26. thumbsoneill says:

    Awesome bike. hilarious gallery. also..uhhh.. i know there’s alot going on in that photo with the bottle, but i’m most curious about what shoes he’s wearing?! looks like maybe dude has big feet like myself.

  27. olive says:

    that stem is da bomb

  28. Alexander Taylor says:

    John can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do an interview or a more serious instalment on this man I am so intrigued ! ! ! ! I also have a serious man crush !

  29. Thaddeus Walters says:

    whats the back rack hes got on there??

  30. David G says:

    It is very good.